where were you...

19. Oct, 2015
19. Oct, 2015

        Where Were you Dad

Where were you when I needed you Dad? 

Where were you when times were Bad?

Where were you when times were Good? 

Where were you when I needed you Most? 

You missed it all the Good the Bad, the sadness I endured. The times ahead of me.

You knew it all, more than the Doctors, that mum never understood?

I have no friends always alone. Only have my Mum. I started school and it was hard because normal was not I they said.

No friends would play with me. No party invites either. The mums were scared or just never knew how to cope with me.

The years went on and now I am grown, nearly an adult am I.

Where were you when I head banged the floor! Had a rage and completely lost the plot. She was there took the blows, the tantrums and the stares.

No one to advise me how I would turn out. You see, my mum knows my ways more than you do and knows I done my very best. You missed it all the lows the highs from this very special son. 

But you cannot understand until you have walked in our shoes, that you would really see, I am unique, An enigma and really not that strange. 

Who will look after me when she's not around? No one to care for me.

I think it's sad no one cares enough but her to give me any hope. Hope and dreams are all I have, this life chosen for me.

I will not be like my brothers, a special edition me. But 'I Am Me' you're the Dad that truly walked away. They say special children are given to special parents, truth is we make parents special. The mistake was made with you to really let me go.

She's my voice in this life, and truly fights for me.  Can't you see, you never held on, your selfish ways were too strong. You gave me up, without a thought, denied a fathers love. You gave up the rights of my father when I was 18 months old. Please forgive me' I know not what I done' will never be an option for you. Every word I say is true and very truly meant.

You see Dad, this life I was given, this complex life' deserves to give me all its best, and that was never from you.

Distant memories I have of you. Child of tomorrow I am' abandoned by you and family.

You were weak it was not me, it is your loss never mine. I have the strength to carry on and courage for this life. The strength is there, inbuilt in me but that was not from you. Different not Less am I

She is my mum and my carer and will always care for me. So I wonder, why did you let me go and never fight for me?  She will never quit the fight, she's much stronger than you'll ever know.

Don't close your eyes to sleep at night the demons must come to you. 

So with a smile, I see a ray of light break through the rain, and know everything will be alright. I am not a lost soul, its painted like a butterfly, watch me fly, watch me soar in this life. Very much loved am I.

Whatever happens in my life, I leave it all to chance.  Family not always flesh and blood.

One thing I know, known only to me, without you by my side, made no difference at all to me Daddy.

Julie Clark

 

Guardianship process started and the father by law has to be notified. 

Will he be shocked?  Will he care? Will it interrupt his life.

All I know is he's a stranger to my Son. 

Epilepsy is more than just a seizure it's a life changing condition affecting sufferers and families lives drastically.

This he could not cope with.

Everyone is different. Everyone copes differently. So why would he be different now.

The Father of my Son has missed out on so much.

My Son has been inspirational in his fight.